Preoccupation and Fantasy
© 2022 – Don Gerdts. All Rights Reserved
FANTASY is defined as those undisciplined thoughts that you have about sex. It’s also been referred to as “preoccupation” – you’ve been preoccupied with sexual thoughts and imaginings. Lust is an example of fantasy or preoccupation.
Fantasy, or preoccupied thought, is usually an attempt to resolve traumatic pain. Our fantasies are an attempt to create an ideal world or scenario in which all of our wounds are healed. Think about it. Fantasies are the way in which we “correct” pain from our past. It’s pain about who we really are. Fantasies may correct our sense of who we are. In our fantasies, we are powerful, successful, and lovable, or so we believe. In our fantasies we get touched, praised, nurtured, and affirmed.
Take athletic fantasies for example. Don’t many of us have those? In them we find athletic greatness. We are stars and receive adulation. What about fantasies about physical appearance? Perhaps we fantasize about people turning their heads and noticing us.
What about money fantasies? In money fantasies, I have all the money I need for anything, so I can pursue the lifestyle of the rich and famous. People love me and want to be with me because I am so rich.
Now turn to sexual fantasies. What are you correcting? It may simply be that you aren’t getting enough sex, at least in your own mind. You need to be desired and affirmed. You need to be touched. You need to feel like you are admired and valued. Everybody wants you and would just die to be with you and would do anything for you.
I Recommend reading Unwanted, by Jay Stringer to help you understand more about what your fantasies may mean.
Selected excerpts from Laaser, Dr. Mark. L.I.F.E. Recovery Guide for Men: A Workbook for Men Seeking Freedom from Sexual Addiction (pp. 83, 131-133).
